I Don't Know Who I Am Without You
by lforlinstead
Summary: Just a girl, a girl who swore to herself that she'd never fall in love. Especially with him.


**Hey, so this was a request from somebody on Twitter but I'm not sure what I make of it so I might delete it lol.**

 **But please review :)**

She'd been like this all day, alienated herself from the others. It'd been several hours and she hadn't spoken a word.

"Erin, are you okay?"

"Earth to Erin, what's up with you?"

"Erin, did you get anything?"

She was so transfixed on her computer screen, she didn't respond at first.

"Erin?" He waved his hand in front of her face blocking her view from whatever she was looking at.

She spun round a little. "Sorry," she muttered. "I just want to get to the bottom of this case, you know?"

There was little emotion in her voice, it was almost monotone.

He sighed. "I know you do, kid. But you gotta go home and get some rest, otherwise you're no use to anyone."

"Hank-" she tried to protest, supressing a yawn. She didn't want to give him more ammunition for sending her home.

"I mean it Erin, one more hour and you're done. Go home. Relax. We got this."

"I _need_ to be here. I need to be helping-"

"No, you don't. I can't have you getting too involved with a case. Not again."

There was nothing she could do but nod, she knew what he was getting at.

That was the thing with these kind of cases, she always got herself way too involved. Seemed to step over the line when it came to trying to catch these killers.

She looked over at her partner, he shrugged. _I guess I'm not going to get any back up on this then_ she thought.

Hank did that annoying thing she hated- ruffled her hair- before heading back into his office.

Erin wanted to get as much done as possible if she only had an hour.

She focused again on the computer screen, failing to notice the second visitor to her desk.

The slightest touch of a hand on her shoulder made her jump.

He laughed. "Hey," his hand slowly slid down her arm to rest on her own.

She smiled at him and raised her eyebrows. "What do you want?"

"I just wanted to check up on you. How are you doing?

She spun around to face him. "Honestly, Jay, I'm fine!" She didn't realize she raised her voice.

He studied her expression, not looking convinced. He raised his eyebrows. "Hey, I was only asking," He sighed. "I think you should listen to Hank though."

Erin narrowed her eyes. "Oh, teaming up on me now are we? This isn't fair!"

He shot her a sympathetic look. "Er, hey. Just go home, I know you. I know what you're like with these kinda cases."

"I'm a police officer, Jay, I can't just go home in the middle of a case!"

He stepped forward and crouched to the ground, level with her knees. "Babe, I know. But we got this. You've done your part. Go home, I'll keep you updated." He paused. "How about we go out and do something tonight? Take the weight off the day?"

She slapped his shoulder. "Do _not_ change the subject." She lowered her tone. "But date night does sound fun," she added.

He laughed. "Then I'll see you at 6." He tenderly touched her shoulder, a little longer than he should have at work, and wandered back to his own desk.

She watched as he settled himself back behind his computer, the concentration lines between his eyebrows coming back into her view.

She sighed, realizing the time.

She logged off her computer and shut it off. She lifted herself from her desk and grabbed her coat.

"Well goodbye then," she waved sarcastically "I'll see you guys _tomorrow._ "

Her eyes found Jay for a lengthy gaze before she walked down the stairs.

"Going so soon, Lindsay?" Platt spoke up as she reached the bottom of the corridor. "Thought you were well into this case?"

She shrugged. "We were. The guys think I can't handle it."

Platt scoffed. "Erin Lindsay, not being able to handle a case? I never thought I'd see the day…"

Erin nodded. "Well apparently they think so. I told them I'd be fine, we're so close to catching this Ice Cream killer guy-"

Platt's eyes went wide. "Oh, that's the case you're working on?"

"Yeah, why?"

Platt looked like she didn't want to say anything. "I just, I agree with them sending you home. You know how you were with the last kid case-"

"Trudy, I- that's not the point. I'm a cop, and I gotta do my job."

"Lindsay, the guys are right. You should go."

She turned her back on the desk sergeant and made her way to the car.

Was it her or was everyone being so weird today?

Trudy didn't usually show that much concern, she was always the one to poke fun at Erin for what she was doing. She wasn't one to be anxious.

Hank didn't usually want to send her home. She knew the monstrosities that came with the job, especially when kids were involved.

And Jay? Jay had been being weird all day, checking up on her every two seconds to make sure she was okay. And this wasn't just the concerned boyfriend card, it was something more. She'd be sure to ask him when he got home.

She stopped at the vending machine before walking to the car park. She realized she was starving, not remembering the last time she had eaten. She studied the glass a few seconds. _If she was going out with Jay, she didn't want to ruin her appetite._ But she had to snack. She inserted her quarters and settled on chips. Her stomach growled as they fell to the bottom and she opened the packet straight away.

She made her way to the car and got in the driver's seat. It was cold so she sat for a minute or so with the heating on, before she drove off.

A text pinged through to her phone.

 _Let me know when you get home. Jx_

She smiled at his concern then sped off in the direction of their apartment.

 **000000000000000000000000**

Now Erin had left for home, Jay could do what he'd been wanting to do today. Responsible boyfriend message sent, he got up from his own desk and knocked on Voight's door.

"Halstead," Hank motioned for him to come though.

"Sarge," Jay smiled and walked into the room, closing the door behind him.

"Did she leave?" Hank asked.

"Yes, I told her I agreed with you. She told me off for teaming up with you," He laughed. "But I think it'll do her good. She doesn't need to be here for this."

Hank nodded. "You got that right, Jay. Did you want something?"

Jay shifted on his feet and his eyes gazed around the room before coming to rest on Hank. "Sarge, I've been meaning to ask you something for a while now," He chewed on his lip.

Hank leaned back in his chair and exhaled. He raised his eyebrows. "You're going to ask her to marry you, aren't you?"

Jay looked surprised, thinking he'd hid it so well. "How did, wh- how did you know?"

Hank laughed. "I know everything, Halstead."

It was Jay's turn to laugh. "So, what-"

"Jay, I see the way you look at her. Hell, I see the way she looks at you. I've never seen her look at anybody the way she looks at you. You guys are good for each other." He walked around to the opposite side of his desk to where Jay was standing. "You want to propose to her, you go propose to her." He stuck out his hand.

Jay looked down at Hank's arm, realizing he'd stuck it out so he could shake it. He smiled, this had been easier than he'd been expecting. "Thanks, Sarge. I, um, better get back to work-" He turned to leave the room.

"Oh Halstead," Hank folded his arms. "I'm not gonna give you one of those Dad speeches but know one thing. Break her heart, I break you face. Or whatever."

Jay laughed and took it as his indication to leave as Hank sat back at his desk.

Ruzek noticed his face as he walked back into the room.

"What was that about?"

"Nothing." He said as he hid his smile behind his hand.

His eyes went back to his computer screen, hoping he would find a lead sometime soon.

His cell was in his pants pocket, it passed his mind that he hadn't had a text back yet.

 **0000000000000000000000**

Erin felt like she was driving forever.

She eventually reached the apartment and went inside.

She flung herself at the couch not even having the energy to change out of her work stuff.

Her attention drifted back to their case.

It had been a rough one, she couldn't deny it. She couldn't help herself replaying the scene in her head.

 _The tiny bodies. The screaming. The insane amount of blood._

Jay had had to keep her calm. Consoling her, so she didn't lose it at the scene.

She didn't even realize she was crying, the tears streaming down her face at fast pace.

She hated herself for crying. The guys were right, she was too invested in this case.

And now she wasn't doing anything about it.

She tried to take her mind off by switching on the TV.

It wasn't long before she heard the door, Jay was home. _Finally._

She swore at herself, she probably should have been ready for him coming home.

"Hello?"

"In here," she shouted from the lounge and heard his footsteps coming to find her.

He wasn't shocked to see her not ready, but he wasn't prepared to see her so upset.

"Hey," he made his way over to the couch and pulled her close. "What's wrong?"

She sniffed into his shoulder. "I was just thinking about the case," she pulled herself away from him to catch a breath. "I'm sorry I'm not ready."

"It's okay Er, I was worried about you. You didn't message me to say you were home."

Her eyes widened. "I'm sorry, I must have forgotten to do that too. I just- I just came in and crashed."

He looked at her with sympathy. "Well, if you don't feel like going out we could stay here and order take out?"

She reached and caressed his cheek. "No," she said. "I want to go out. Give me half an hour."

Jay scoffed as she got up from the couch. "There is _no_ way you'll be ready in 30 minutes Erin Lindsay."

She smiled softly before leaving the room. "Oh, just watch me."

He waited until he heard the shower running before he went into the bedroom. He'd used the shower room at work so changed into suit pants and a shirt. He reached under his side of the bed to retrieve the small velvet box he'd been hiding there.

He waited back at in the lounge so she didn't suspect anything.

He looked down at his watch. She had 10 minutes.

She shouted to him from the bedroom. "So what's the dress code for this evening?"

Jay laughed. "Anything you want babe but just not, um, sweats and sneakers."

He heard her giggling. "Damn, I better get changed then."

He heard footsteps coming towards the lounge. "Hey, can you zip me?"

Jay stood from the couch and felt his jaw drop before he could stop it. He thought she looked hot in her work uniform, seeing her in a dress was something else.

She made her way towards him in a V-neck satin red dress. She looked good in any color but red made her look _hot._

He stood up behind her and worked the zipper. His hands were clammier than usual as he swished her hair to the side, He'd zipped her into countless dresses but the events to come tonight were just making him nervous.

He hoped it went unnoticed by Erin.

He planted a gentle kiss on her shoulder before returning her soft curls to their natural position.

"Didn't you know it's rude to stare, Jay?"

He managed to close his mouth. "I just I, wow."

Every time he clasped eyes on her in a dress made him just as speechless as it did the first time he'd seen her in one.

She grabbed hold of his hand dragging him from the building.

"We should go," she nodded towards the door. "If you keep looking at me like that, we're never going to leave this apartment."

Jay laughed, knowing she was right.

She threw the key at him.

"You're letting me drive?"

"Oh come _on_ Jay, I'm not going to drive in this!" She pointed down to her dress then looked up into his eyes. "And don't think this is gonna be a regular thing."

He followed her outside towards the car and they both got in.

"Where are we going?"

"Oh," he smiled. "You'll see."

It didn't take her long to realize the direction they were headed.

"You didn't…" she gasped.

"I did."

"But how-"

He slid his hand over to her thigh. "Because you're worth it. Let's go."

She felt like screaming. Nobody in the world had ever treated her and respected her the way Jay did.

She was sure she'd only mentioned this restaurant once to him.

And yet, he still remembered.

He held their hands together as they walked into the restaurant.

"Hey," he whispered as the made it to the entrance. "You do look beautiful tonight."

She felt her cheeks flood with color: he paid her compliments all the time, but it always did something to her insides. "Thank you," she squeezed his hand tighter. "You don't look too bad yourself."

He kissed the side of her temple. "Wait here," he walked away slowly before returning with a waiter two minutes later. "Our table is ready."

The pair followed the worker through the restaurant into small booths at the back.

The section was secluded from the rest of the tables so it was more like their own private space.

"Can I get you anything to drink?"

Jay looked across at Erin. "Should we leave the car, drink wine?"

She frowned for a second, Jay wasn't one to drink wine but she wasn't going to complain. "Wine it is."

The waiter left them to contemplate the menu.

"Everything looks so good."

He laughed. "I know, I might have the lobster."

Erin groaned. "I should have known."

"What? I like lobster!"

"I'm going to have pasta, I think."

The waiter brought across their drinks and took the food order. Jay waited until he had left the vicinity before reaching across to grab Erin's hand.

"Hey, I know today was a rough one. You're okay, right?"

"Jay, I'm fine," she didn't want to talk about work tonight, she just wanted to eat out with her boyfriend. "I'm fine." She reassured him.

"Okay, I'm just checking."

She smiled. "I know. But what about you? I mean you're okay too, right?"

His brow furrowed. "What do you mean?"

She chewed on her lip. "You just seemed, I don't know, more _concerned_ about me today. Like not as focused on the case."

"I'm just looking out for you, Er. You know what you mean to me, right?"

"Jay-"

"I'm serious, Erin. I try my best to look out for you at work, but I know we're in a professional environment. But I worry about you all the time when I'm not with you. I know I don't need to worry about you, but I do. I don't know if that makes me obsessive or what, but I just I feel like I need to care for you. I need to protect you."

"Jay-"

"I am _serious_ about you, Erin. I am completely in love with you. You make me laugh like nobody ever has, you let me in like nobody ever has,"

"Jay, what-"

She watched as he shuffled from the center of his seat towards the edge of it and looked into her eyes.

"I am in awe of you, as a person. You have been through so much and I can't believe how strong, how independent, how inspiring a person you have become. And if you let me,"

She watched as he reached into his pocket and pulled out an object. She watched as he bent to kneel on the floor and gasped as she realized what he was doing.

"I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

She found it hard to see, through the streams of water forming in the bottom of her eyes.

He laughed. "I was going to wait until after dinner but I guess I'm impatient."

She laughed, wiping the corners of her eyes with the back of her hand.

"Erin, will you marry me?"

She watched as he slowly opened the box he'd brought into her sight, revealing the most exquisite diamond.

She was so stunned by the ring she temporarily forgot he'd asked her a question.

"Um, Er?"

She laughed, placing a hand either side of his face.

"Of course I'll marry you!"

He breathed the biggest sigh of relief as he took the ring from it's old home and placed it on its new one. "Oh my god, we're engaged!"

She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him deeply. "We're engaged."


End file.
